You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out by Now
There’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Why do we assume that by the time we reach our 50s, we’re supposed to have everything figured out?
We’re supposed to know exactly who we are.
What we want.
What makes us happy.
What the next ten or twenty years should look like.
But I’m not sure life actually works that way.
In fact, I think this stage of life can bring more questions than answers.
Maybe you’ve changed
The things that mattered to you ten years ago might not matter nearly as much anymore.
Things you used to tolerate might suddenly feel exhausting.
You may want more time to yourself.
You may care less about keeping everyone happy.
You might be looking around at your life and thinking, “Is this still what I want?”
And that can feel strange.
Especially when, from the outside, it looks like you should be settled.
But maybe you're not lost.
Maybe you've simply changed.
And you're finally giving yourself enough room to notice.
We spent a lot of years taking care of life
For many of us, our 20s, 30s and 40s were busy.
Really busy.
We were raising kids, building careers, maintaining homes, paying bills, managing schedules, helping family and doing all the things that needed to be done.
There wasn’t always a lot of time left to ask:
What do I actually want?
Then life starts changing.
The kids get older.
Schedules shift.
Our bodies change.
Our energy changes.
Our priorities start changing too.
And suddenly there’s a little more room to hear ourselves think.
That can be exciting.
It can also be uncomfortable.
You are allowed to want something different
One of the things I’m learning is that changing your mind doesn't mean the years before were a mistake.
You can be grateful for the life you've had and still want something different now.
You can love people deeply and want more time for yourself.
You can decide something you've done for years doesn't fit anymore.
You can discover new things you love at 52, 57, 63 or 70.
You can start something.
Stop something.
Try something.
Change your mind again.
There isn't an age when you're required to become a finished version of yourself.
Maybe we never really figure it all out
And maybe that's actually good news.
I don't have everything figured out.
There are things I'm still learning about myself.
There are things I thought I wanted that I don't anymore.
There are things I'm curious about now that weren't even on my radar ten years ago.
And instead of seeing that as a problem, I'm starting to see it differently.
Maybe this chapter isn't about having all the answers.
Maybe it's about finally giving ourselves permission to ask better questions.
What do I enjoy now?
What do I want more of?
What am I ready to stop doing?
Who am I when I'm not trying to be everything for everybody else?
And maybe the biggest one:
What would I choose if I stopped worrying about what I “should” choose?
You don't have to answer all of those today.
Just notice which one makes you stop for a second.
You're still becoming
I think we sometimes talk about getting older as though we're supposed to become more set in our ways.
I don't want that.
I want to stay curious.
I want to change my mind.
I want to discover things I didn't know I'd love.
I want to keep becoming whoever I'm going to be next.
So if you're in your 50s or beyond and you're still figuring things out, you're in good company.
You don't need to know exactly what the next chapter looks like.
Maybe you just need to be willing to turn the page.
And see what happens.